With the undeniably warm weather here, it is time for another cleanse. I am relatively new to the cleansing game. I think this is the third year I’ve tried it. I think that spring time is the perfect time for me to do a dietary cleanse.

I would hate to be stuck doing a cleanse during the summer patio season. Cleansing is a bit of an anti-social habit depending on your group of friends. It requires abstaining from alcohol and just about any party food. No more social lubricants. You actually have to rely on your natural born charm and wit to work the room. No more late night munchies like souvlaki or burritos. Who wants to be munching down on spinach at 3am? Then again, without alcohol, who has the munchies at 3am? The dietary cleanse actually is a bit of a behaviour modifier turning us into less juvenile versions of ourselves. But with Canada only having 2 months of true summer, who wants to waste time being grown up? Bring on the ice cream with Bailey’s!

Winter is also a terrible time for a cleanse. One would think that since social hibernation usually sets in during winter that it would be the perfect time for a cleanse. It is true that we generally leave the house less in the winter, but I need my winter fat. I’m 5’10″ and usually around 170 lbs, but cleansing will usually drop my weight down to around 160 lbs. Having a 2 or 3 pack (I’m just not a 6 pack kind of guy) is great for the summer, but who is ever going to admire my rock hard abs (I wish) in the winter? You would need some serious x-ray vision to be able to see through my layers of turtle necks, thermal underwear and woolly sweaters. The extra 10 lbs is the only thing that really keeps me warm in the winter time. I’d put my winter flubber against any thinsulate or gore tex combo anytime. I made the mistake of cleansing one winter and I almost froze to death. No lie! (unless you count that one…)

So, this year, I’m trying to do a spring cleanse. It goes perfectly with all the spring cleaning I’ve been doing lately. Get rid of all that stuff you don’t need. I don’t have to worry about being too cold. The weather is still crummy enough to warrant staying in every now and again. The only hitch is Easter weekend. Some of the best Trinidadian food you can find in Canada gets cooked up on Easter weekend. Not to mention all the Easter chocolate. Another troubling coincidence is that I just started buying chocolate to have available for my clients (the most amazing part of that is that I can now claim chocolate as a business expense! Can you believe it? I can’t wait to put that in my accounting program… “Chocolate Expense”). This means that I have a couple of kilograms of Lindt Swiss chocolate lying around the clinic that I am not allowed to touch.

Somehow I will get through this.

I will be using Cleanse Smart by Renew Life.

Yesterday’s attempt at free publicity is already behind me, but now that the cameras are put away and the lights aren’t glaring in my eyes anymore, I find myself anxious to see how it turned out.  The cast and crew were at my clinic for about an hour and probably put together a minute and a half segment for the news tonight.  The question is what parts will they show for the minute and a half ?  (btw, that’s roughly one tenth the minimum personal allowance according to Andy Warhol, which doesn’t seem quite fair.  It seems that there are way too many people out there that are getting far more of their allotment than they should.  Don’t I deserve at least the full 15 minutes?).  There was the interview which would have been wonderful if it weren’t for my 10 pound swollen tongue which mangled my words and the super slidey sofa which had me slouching and crouching like one of the hobbits from The Lord of the Rings (My Precious…).  Followed by about 4 or 5 shots of me pretending to pop some detox pills and wash them down with water (You won’t believe how technically difficult it can be to take pills).  And then about 10 minutes of still video footage of the Cleanse Smart Detox Box.  So, out of my interview, my taking pills or the footage of the box I’m guessing that the box is going to grab the spotlight away from me.  It is certainly the more photogenic of the two of us.  It didn’t flub its lines.  And it had a lovely colour scheme (I’m not sure how the white balance works on Asians such as myself.  If the camera wasn’t a Sony, I’d probably call it a racist).  But anyway, the show won’t air until 6PM tonight on Global, so I won’t know how much of a leotard I was until then.  For now, I am just stuck imagining the outcome and alternately calling up people telling them to watch the news or stay away from their TV sets.   All this for some free publicity.

I spent so much time in the last few posts talking of my little slip ups doing my detox cleanse that I figured it’s about time that I gave you some positive news.  The day’s not over yet, but so far, I haven’t cheated.  Same goes for yesterday where I was a model of discipline and determination (minus 3 teeny weeny itsy bitsy Quality Street chocolates… but they were just wafer thin….).

I started last Monday  night and this morning I took the last herbal supplements, that means that I’m done.  I finished a one week cleanse.  And really, it wasn’t that difficult.   Especially with my soon to be patented “cleanse with benefits” method.

I should feel relieved and have the urge to run out and get me some T-bone steak, but I feel like something’s missing. You might not believe this, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to extend the cleanse.  My plan is to buy some more supply and extend the detox/cleanse till the end of this week.   I know that I could stop now, but I feel like I am just really getting into the good stuff.  The stomach is feeling flatter, I’m getting used to the leaner cleaner diet (the cravings are almost non existent now), my body feels pretty well adjusted to the changes, and my digestive system…. well, it’s almost working the way I want it to.  It’s all good stuff, but I just feel like I have unfinished business still.

So, that’s now twice that I slipped up on Saturday.  A new low.  This cleanse business is becoming more of a “cleanse with benefits” the way things are going.  Thank goodness I’m not a nutritionist, otherwise I’d have to seriously consider looking for a new line of work.  Luckily I’m just a humble RMT whose failings on the diet front have no reflection on his skills at massage.  Whew…

Last night’s indiscretion was mostly my fault, but I think the menu was partly to blame.  How can anyone resist such a deliciously worded menu?  The menu in question belonged to “Real Thailand” on Bloor west of Spadina.  It did not disappoint.  A real Thai restaurant, owned by real  Thai people, serving real Thai dishes.  The menu went far beyond the red/green/orange curry or the chicken/beef in ginger and had my mouth watering just reading about the mussel, king fish and shrimp soup.  So, in yet another moment of weakness, I broke down and had a fantastic dinner.  Weakness can be so yummy.